


now i lay me down to sleep

by comebackbehere



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 18:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comebackbehere/pseuds/comebackbehere
Summary: He's gone, and he's not coming back.





	now i lay me down to sleep

Fangs Fogarty dies at exactly 3:43 AM.

 

Toni and Sweet Pea fall apart when the doctor tells them. Toni’s knees hit the tile of the hallway and Sweet Pea’s fist hits the wall, and both stare off with tears streaming down their faces. Everything moves in slow motion, the world gradually spins until it stops. On their hands, the life of their best friend is smeared and his body now lays bear on a hospital cot. And he’s alone and cold, the two things Fangs hates the most.

 

At 3:47 AM, the world begins to turn once again but the damage is done. Fangs is gone.

 

-

 

Cheryl gently cradles one of Toni’s shaking hands and slowly cleans the blood from between her fingers. She finally pried her girlfriend off the floor and managed to get her back home, but there’s an emptiness in dull brown eyes that Cheryl has never seen before. It scares her. Normally, Toni would be making jokes and talking quietly to her but she’s silent. She stares down at her hands and watches with rapt attention as Cheryl wipes each one of her fingers and gently scrubs at the speckles of blood that decorate her fingernails.

 

“Where’s your head?” Cheryl whispers.

 

Toni opens her mouth slowly, “I-I don’t know.”

 

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Cheryl sighs as she removes Toni’s ring and sets it aside. “I know how much he meant to you.”

 

“He’s...gone.” Toni murmurs in disbelief. “H-He was just here, Cheryl. He made me muffins the other day and promised to take Sweets out for drinks because he ruined his favorite shirt. He was...he was _here._  And now he’s gone.”

 

Cheryl swallows hard as she lifts Toni’s hand to her lips, “It’s going to take some time to sink in, baby. It’s going to hurt for awhile, and you’re going to break but I’ll be here. Okay? I’ll be here.”

 

“But Fangs won’t.” Toni scoffs. “Fangs won’t buy me chocolate when I’m pissed, he won’t throw pretzels at Sweets with me while he flirts with girls at the Wyrm. He won’t get to turn eighteen, he won’t get to go to college, he won’t...he won’t…”

 

Cheryl sees it coming before the first sob breaks from deep within Toni’s chest. It’s heartbreaking, loud and feral. It’s a cry that starts deep in her chest and spills through the air, tells Cheryl just how broken her girlfriend is. And all she can do is hold her with the knowledge she is holding Toni together, she is keeping the pieces from getting lost and offering as much strength as she can. She just prays that somehow it’ll be enough.

 

-

 

Toni goes through a pack of cigarettes the day of the funeral. She starts early in the morning, stands on the balcony of the guest room and pulls in desperate lungs full of nicotine. By the time Cheryl is finishing curling her hair, Toni is pacing outside and on her fourth one. Cheryl normally scolds Toni for the habit, but she can’t. Not today. Not when her girlfriend looks so desperate to feel _something,_  to punish herself by darkening her lungs with the smoke. So, she bites her tongue and offers Toni a stick of gum as soon as they arrive at the funeral home.

 

Through the entire ceremony, Toni doesn’t let go of Cheryl’s hand. She holds so tightly that it makes Cheryl wince in pain, but she doesn’t complain; she knows she’s holding Toni down to reality. They sit side by side and listen to the soothing drawl of the preacher as he talks about Fangs like he knew him. Like he has any idea what kind of person was ripped from this world; he doesn’t know, he doesn’t realize how true his words are when he speaks of Heaven gaining another angel.

 

The Serpents are stoic throughout the ceremony, but Cheryl can see the glaze in their eyes as they carry their fallen brother’s casket. She hears Sweet Pea’s whimpers as he sits behind them with his fingers folded in a fist so tight that his knuckles are white. Cheryl spots FP wiping tears and flexing his jaw as he avoids looking at the picture of Fangs that is displayed, the innocence of the photo reminding him of what was lost. Even Jughead sports red eyes as he clings to Betty and bows his head to pray. Toni doesn’t hide her tears, she allows them to fall and Cheryl tries to catch as many as she can.

 

By the time they lower Fangs into the ground and the workers pile dirt onto his casket, Toni is down to her last cigarette. Cheryl stands beside her with her arms crossed and her lips twisted into a small frown, she doesn’t know how long she’s been standing here but her legs have long past gone numb. As Toni finishes the last drag, she flicks the glowing orange stick aside and carefully puts it out with the heel of her boot.

 

“He hated when I smoked.” Toni murmurs.

 

Cheryl tilts her head, “Then why are you smoking?”

 

“I dunno.” Toni admits with a humorless laugh. “I guess I was just waiting for him to come around and rip it from my mouth, call me an idiot and make me to brush my teeth.”

 

Cheryl doesn’t know what to say, so she stays silent.

 

“Cheryl?”

 

“Yeah, babe?”

 

Toni looks to her with wide eyes, “He’s not coming back...is he?”

 

“No, baby.” Cheryl whispers. “He’s not coming back.”

 

Toni swallows audibly, “I was afraid you’d say that.”

 

“Come on, TT,” Cheryl murmurs as she curls a protective arm around her girlfriend’s waist. “Let’s go home.”

 

“Just a little longer, he doesn’t...he hates being alone. He’s afraid of the dark.” Toni explains in a distant, cold tone. “It’s gotta be really dark down there, Cheryl.”

 

“Yeah, baby. It is.” Cheryl nods.

 

Toni nods, “Then we should stay. Just for a minute.”

 

“Okay, Toni. Whatever you want.”

 

-

 

Cheryl tries to pretend she doesn’t hear when Toni sneaks out of their room at an ungodly hour. She doesn’t suspect her of doing anything horrible, she knows where Toni is going. She knows the second she hears the roar of her bike that she’s heading to the Wyrm to deal with Sweet Pea. She goes to ice his bruised knuckles, pick him up from the sticky floor, and cry into their glasses of cheap liquor. So, Cheryl plasters on fake smiles when Toni acts nonchalant in the morning and kisses her like she doesn’t taste like grieve and whiskey.

 

“You know, Sweet Pea can come stay here.” Cheryl offers as she helps Toni make the bed. “We have so much room, and a huge TV so he can play video games and watch football.”

 

“Pea hates football.” Toni mumbles.

 

Cheryl watches as Toni fluffs a pillow, “Okay. Basketball games then.”

 

“I’ll ask.” Toni shrugs.

 

It doesn’t surprise her when Sweet Pea comes roaring up the driveway a few hours later with a ratty duffel bag on his shoulder and a fresh black eye. He grumbles a few words of gratitude to Cheryl, and then disappears into the guest room. Later on that night, Cheryl feels the bed shift and Toni patters quietly from the room and never returns. It isn’t much of a surprise when she finds the two of them laid out on the couch with a broadcast of the NFL draft playing in the background. It isn’t till later when breakfast has gone cold and Toni is laying with her head in Cheryl’s lap that she remembers how much both Toni and Sweet Pea hate football. They hate it with a passion, but Fangs loved it.

 

-

 

_“Turn that stupid thing off!”_

 

_“No! Smile, asshole.”_

 

_“Tiny, I will break it. I fucking swear.”_

 

_“You won’t do shit!”_

 

Cheryl peeks her head into the bedroom and finds Toni laying on their bed with her phone in her hand and wet cheeks. After a few silent moment, she slowly crosses the room and climbs onto the bed to pull Toni into her lap. She doesn’t dare speak, she just rests her chin on Toni’s shoulder and watches quietly as her girlfriend flips through the endless amount of pictures and videos of Fangs and Sweet Pea. They’re so _happy,_  so carefree. As she looks at the image of her girlfriend, frozen forever with a bright smile, she wishes there was a way to warn the girl in the videos of her upcoming months.

 

_“Tell me you love me.”_

 

_“Desperate much, T?”_

 

_“Tell me!”_

 

_“Fine, you brat. I love you. I adore you. You’re the best Serpent who has ever slithered through this god awful town. You are the light in my life, the smile on my face. I love you, Tiny.”_

 

_“That’s better.”_

 

Toni replays the same video until Cheryl has the entire thing memorized, right down to the moment when Fangs gives the softest smile and then reaches out to snatch Toni’s phone away. He looks so young, so full of life. Cheryl didn’t know him well, but she loved everything she did know. He was kind, thoughtful, and smart. He had his whole life ahead of him and now he’s gone, and Cheryl is left watching the people around her trying to make sense of something that has no point.

 

_“We’re going to be friends forever, right?”_

 

_“Duh, Tiny.”_

 

_“Grow old together?”_

 

_“Dentures and diapers? I’m down.”_

 

_“Promise?”_

 

_“I promise, T.”_

 

Cheryl hates the way Toni’s face crumples; just like the promise Fangs made, Toni is broken.

 

-

 

The Wyrm is quiet when she walks in on a Thursday night. Toni is behind the bar with dark rings under her eyes and hair that hasn’t been washed in a week, but still serving drinks like it’s second nature. Sweet Pea doesn’t stray too far, and Cheryl can see the way he keeps Toni in his line of sight at all times. She doesn’t blame him, not really. Ever since the riots began, since Fangs was killed, Cheryl has tried to keep an eye on Toni. Everyday she feels herself crack a little more, that breakdown she feels growing slowly coming closer and closer to reality.

 

“Cheryl. Hi.”

 

Cheryl blinks at Jughead, “Hi.”

 

“Come to pick up Toni?” Jughead asks.

 

“Yeah.” Cheryl nods as she scans him over and sees the way Jughead sways on his feet. “Have you been drinking?”

 

“Just a few.” Jughead assures her.

 

“A few? Since when do you drink at all?” Cheryl demands.

 

“Since I let one of my friends be killed.” Jughead replies, and Cheryl takes notice of the beer bottle dangling in his hand. “Since I promised him that he would be okay if we stuck together, since I watched the life leave his eyes.”

 

“I’m calling Betty…”

 

“What’s the point?” Jughead scoffs. “She won’t come, she’s dealing with the fact that her dad is the Black Hood and Veronica was almost killed...she has too much on her plate.”

 

“She’ll come, Jughead.” Cheryl murmurs. “Just go sit down and finish your beer, she’ll be here soon and take you home.”

 

Jughead shakes his head, “He’s dead. And it’s all my fault.”

 

Jughead stumbles away and Cheryl watches him go, watches him drop into a booth and pull his beanie over his face. She takes a moment to text Betty before she crosses the bar to lean against the counter and wait for Toni to notice her. As soon as brown eyes find her, she sees the way Toni relaxes and all but abandons a customer as she hurries to approach Cheryl. Hands reach for her and Cheryl greedily accepts the touch as she leans over the bar top to press a lingering kiss against Toni’s lips as she looks her over.

 

“You okay?”

 

“M’tired.” Toni admits.

 

“I think it goes a lot deeper than that.” Cheryl sighs as she brushes a hand through Toni’s hair. “We’re going to have to talk about all of this soon. You can’t keep on like this.”

 

Toni quickly pulls away, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bombshell. I’m perfectly fine, just a little bit tired and…”

 

“TT, it’s _me._  You can’t lie to me.” Cheryl scoffs as she arches an eyebrow. “You don’t have to pretend to be strong all the time, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s only been two weeks.”

 

“I’m _fine._ ” Toni snaps as her jaw flexes. “I need to go take care of the customers.”

 

Cheryl blows out a breath as she watches Toni walk away. The five stages of grief have begun, and it seems Toni is stuck in stage one: denial.

 

-

 

Toni can’t cook, Cheryl knows this. She burns _everything._ Cheryl finds it adorable and she enjoys cooking for Toni, she loves watching her girlfriend light up as she tries new dishes. Much to her surprise, Cheryl comes home and finds Toni carefully frosting a cupcake and setting it alongside an endless amount of other cupcakes. Cheryl is shocked and all she can do is stare as she takes in the flour in Toni’s hair and the smear of chocolate on the apple of her cheek.

 

“You bake?” Cheryl exclaims.

 

Toni pauses and slowly nods, “Fangs taught me.”

 

“ _Fangs_ baked?” Cheryl asks.

 

“Yeah. All the time.” Toni chuckles, but the sound is so hollow that it hurts. “He loves...I mean, he _loved_ baking. He’d spend hours just making cakes for shits and giggles. Unexpected, right?”

 

“Very.” Cheryl confesses.

 

“He was a damn good baker. Pea and I were his professional taste testers.” Toni smirks. “He made the _best_ apple pie. Like, the perfect crunch to the crust and everything. That fucking rude chef dude would’ve been impressed.”

 

Cheryl smiles at Toni’s soft giggle, “That’s so cute.”

 

“He always told everyone he wanted to be a mechanic. His dad was one and he thought he had to follow in his footsteps.” Toni grins as she ices a cupcake carefully. “Truthfully, the boy wanted to be a baker, own his own shop.”

 

“That’s…”

 

“Insane. I know. That big, adorable teddy bear just wanted to bake some cakes.” Toni whispers, and her smile slowly falls. “He used to make me cookies every time I so much as shed a tear. It’d smell like cookies for days in my trailer."

Cheryl smiles sadly, “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. So, uh...I went back to my trailer. Y’know, just to look around.” Toni frowns as she sets her knife and cupcake down. “And it didn’t smell like cookies, Cher. Why didn’t it smell like cookies?”

 

Just like that, the cupcakes are forgotten and the pain takes over.

 

-

 

Anger comes quicker than Cheryl expects.

 

Cheryl gets a text during Vixens practice and the unknown number simply tells her to go to Toni’s trailer. A million different scenarios go through her head as she speeds to the Southside, and every thought is worse than the last. She dreams up a lot of different ideas, but she doesn’t dream up the sound of cursing and glass shattering. Cheryl barely has her car in park as she quickly rushes up the metal steps and crashes into the trailer only to step back as a lightbulb flies by and blows apart from the impact into the wall.

 

“Fuck him. _Fuck him_!” Toni screams as she easily flips her coffee table. “He’s an  _idiot._ He should’ve never tried to fuck around with that _stupid_ Northsider. He knew better. He fucking _knew_. If he would’ve just listened then he’d still be alive!”

 

Sweet Pea turns to her with wide eyes, “Help!”

 

“He’s fucking gone all because of that fucking woman!” Toni exclaims as she paces with wide, wild eyes. “He’s fucking _dead_ , Sweet Pea. He left us! He swore he’d never leave and now he’s gone. How could he just...how could he just leave us?”

 

“Baby…”

 

Toni turns to her with a shake of her head, “No.”

 

“Baby, it’s okay to be mad.” Cheryl assures her with a soft frown. “It’s okay to break things and want to burn the world to pieces. It’s _okay._  And it’s okay to hate Fangs. When Jason died, I hated him. I hated him so much for leaving me. For...For _dying_.”

 

Toni shakes her head and Cheryl doesn’t recognize the woman in front of her. She doesn’t recognize the hatred that burns strong in her gaze, that bubbles and crackles with every passing moment. No, this can’t be the same woman who squeals when you tickle her sides, the same woman who blows raspberries on Cheryl’s stomach, the same woman who braids Sweet Pea’s hair, the same woman who would recite Shakespeare with Fangs as they drank beer and played pool. No, this is a woman who has met grieve and shook its hand. A woman who is lost in the darkness with no light in view.

 

“It’s okay, Toni. It’s okay to be mad.” Sweet Pea grumbles with a small scowl. “It’s okay to be pissed that he died, _I’m_ pissed. It was supposed to be us against the world, y’know? It was supposed to be us. You, me, and him.”

 

“He’s _dead_ , Pea.” Toni croaks. “He died.”

 

Sweet Pea gives a short nod, “Yeah.”

 

“How could he just leave us here?” Toni demands as she looks to him. “How could be think that I could live without him?”

 

“I don’t know, Tiny.” Sweet Pea shrugs.

 

Sweet Pea approaches her and Cheryl watches as Toni’s small form is swallowed into his tall frame. She slips quietly from the destroyed trailer and sits in her car as she waits for them to break. There’s only so many pieces of Toni that Cheryl can find to put her back together, and she certainly can’t do it alone. No, there’s parts of her that only Sweet Pea knows and Cheryl is content (although hesitant) to let him fix her too. So, she sits in her car and waits for Toni; she’ll always wait for her.

 

-

 

Toni goes through a lot in a month; she feels it all and cries it all out. Cheryl has seen her in every state, feeling every emotion. She has found Toni drunk and sitting in the bathtub listening to the constant loop of Fangs voicemails. She has picked Toni up from the Wyrm and listened to her recount moments with Fangs with a bright smile on her face, a laugh in her voice. And she has stumbled across her curled in the corner of the closet with a jacket wrapped around herself that is a few sizes too big and smelling of pine and something that is distinctly Fangs.

 

And as time passes, as the flowers and candles disappear from in front of Fangs locker. As the Serpents begin to smile and joke. As Sweet Pea returns back to the trailer he shared with Fangs. As Toni kisses Cheryl against lockers, dances in the kitchen with the radio pumped loud, and creates a new Snapchat that isn’t full of her best friends, things begin to change. Things go back to normal, as normal as they can be with that empty spot that will forever be unfilled.

 

It’s almost three in the morning when Cheryl walks through the gates of a familiar place and continues along the pebbled sidewalk. As the moon glares down on her, Cheryl cuts off path and walks through the damp grass as she follows the sound of a soft voice. Eventually, Cheryl finds the small frame she was looking for and she hangs back a few steps as she listens to the laugh that slips from smiling lips as a hand reaches out to brush along stone.

 

“...and he actually _apologized_. Crazy, right? We should’ve beat his ass.” Toni trails off and Cheryl can picture her rolling her eyes. “On second thought, you wouldn’t want me to do that. You would’ve wanted to keep the peace.”

 

Toni doesn’t receive an answer, and Cheryl sighs in sympathy.

 

“Cheryl has been my rock, Fangs.”

 

The words catch her attention.

 

“She’s so...good. I don’t deserve her. I-I just know that I wouldn’t have been able to get through this without her. She’s _amazing._ ” Toni breathes out. “I know how much you liked her, you were right about her. I never thanked you for giving me the push to talk to her, for playing my cupid. Oh, and she _sucks_ at being stealthy.”

 

Cheryl slowly approaches to drape a jacket over Toni’s shivering form, “Hey. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I woke up and found you gone, I thought I’d find you here.”

 

“Just wanted to visit him.” Toni sighs.

 

“At three in the morning…?”

 

“I had a dream about him.” Toni explains as she leans back against Cheryl. “He was flying above my head and smiling.”

 

“Flying?” Cheryl repeats. “Interesting.”

 

Toni snorts, “He used to think he could fly.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yeah. When Fangs and I were little, barely six, Sweets moved to the Southside and became our unspoken leader.” Toni whispers. “Sweet Pea was convinced he could fly, so he then convinced Fangs he could fly too. In fact, it stuck so much with Fangs that before he even got his Serpent tattoo, he got angel wings on his back. He always said he was going to fly so far away from this fucking town, right up into a brighter future.”

 

Cheryl kisses Toni’s head, “He’s flying, baby. I bet you he’s soaring.”

 

“You think?” Toni murmurs.

 

“I know.” Cheryl replies as she reaches down to thread her fingers with Toni’s. “Come on, let’s go home. It’s late.”

 

“Bye, Fangs. I’ll visit soon, bring you a six pack and catch you up on the Packers.” Toni whispers. “I really do hope you got a pair of wings up there, buddy. Nobody deserves them more.”

 

As they walk away, leave Fangs behind, Cheryl can’t help but feel like she is floating; like somehow, as she holds Toni’s hand, they’re flying towards their own bright future with each other and the memory of Fangs in their hearts.

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to include Toni's kidnapping, but I felt like focusing on her grief was more important; I might write something about the kidnapping later on down the road. I just wish we could see them mourn Fangs, see Sweet Pea and Toni actually acknowledge his death. I wanted something more than two seconds of them saying Fangs is dead and no one reacting, no tears being shed.


End file.
